Mac gets shot again
by heatqueen
Summary: This is based on the fact that in Mac/Stella fics, Mac always, ALWAYS gets shot. So I thought I'd make a joke out of it. SMacked
1. for a date

**1.) ****Mac Gets Shot…for a date**

Mac was once again the only swimmer in the pool, the ridiculously early hour of morning accounting for the lack of people. It had become a daily routine: Get up, swim for an hour, and grab a bite to eat on the way to work, at which he would arrive half an hour early because he had nowhere better to be. His bad sleeping habits left him with a lot of hours in the day, and where better to spend them but the lab?

There had only been one disruption to this routine in a long time, when the Mac Taylor killer had been through his things in order to look at his car keys. Since then, he'd never left his stuff lying around again, and always paid the extra 50 cents that would buy him a locker. He wondered how much money he'd spent in total on his daily locker - 50 cents didn't seem like much, but in the end it added up to something.

He finished his laps and got out, grabbing a towel and heading for the showers. The same as every day - he would shower, change and leave. As he pushed the door to the shower room, he stumbled as a hand around his mouth pulled him back with brute force and held a gun against his head.

"Hold it!" the suspect yelled, causing Mac to flinch. The voice was female. "Put your hands behind your head and don't you dare move, Taylor!"

His heart sped up as it always did when he found himself in this kind of situation, but something clicked as Mac realized the voice sounded vaguely familiar - not to mention the suspect knew his name. Unable to place it, he put his hands behind his head, not particularly wanting to lose his life, thinking that cooperation was the easiest thing he could do right now. The suspect was wearing black which included a balaclava, but he was sure he could see curly ringlets poking out of the edges.

"You could stop this now and save yourself a life sentence," Mac said, but though he'd used this line on criminals many times, he never recalled it actually working.

"That's okay, I'm not planning on getting a life sentence."

"Then what exactly are you planning on?" He thought that perhaps he could buy himself some time by finding out what the criminal was up to.

Then, to his surprise, the criminal removed the balaclava.

"Dinner."

It was Stella, and when she pulled the trigger, bubbles came out.


	2. party style

**2.) ****Mac gets shot…party style**

He hadn't been planning on letting his hair down quite this much. At first, he hadn't wanted to go to the party at all - after all, it was Adam and Danny and their younger mates - but Stella had persuaded him, insisting that he needed a night of fun for once in his life. And he thought that maybe she had a point. It had been…how long?…since his last rave?

Some of the less mature ones were already drunk. They had been wearing party hats but they'd quickly come off their heads and were now being thrown around as they attempted to hit each other with them. Somehow food had gotten into the fight as well. The older ones - I.e. only Stella, Don and Mac - stood by and watch the commotion, shaking their heads at the others' silliness.

"Oi, Mac!" came a voice - Danny's. "Get o'er here and join in the fun!" He chucked a now ripped up party hat in Mac's direction. Mac caught it but let it fall to the floor, hinting a bemused smile at the corners of his mouth. He shook his head. Chucking around party hats wasn't his style.

"I'm fine," he replied.

"N'awwww don't be a party pooper! You're always 'fine'. What about _'fantabulous'?!"_

"Danny has a point," said Stella. "'I'm fine' is just about your most overused line ever."

"No it isn't," Mac defended himself.

"Well if that's the way it is…" Danny sighed, and he caught the eyes of his fellow party-goers. "All on Mac! Aim…"

Mac's eyes widened in shock as he watched the men line up in positions but was too slow to do anything about it.

"…Fire!"

Out came the corks, and all over him went the champagne.


	3. with vengeance

**3.) ****Mac gets shot…with vengeance.**

**A/N: This one is based on the episode "My name is Mac Taylor". It's really short and not as humorous as the others, but I couldn't get it out of my head so here it is!**

Daniel Oka collapsed onto the sofa, his face buried into his hands. Tears streaked down his face as he grieved. His girlfriend was dead, and now he had two unnecessary deaths on his hands. Not to mention, the cops were all over him.

It didn't help that one of the detectives was called Mac Taylor.

_I hate you, Mac Taylor, _he thought, as rage began to build up inside him. Mac Taylor, whichever one it was, would pay with his life, just as his girlfriend's life had paid for Mac Taylor's stupidity. His hands were shaking - he needed to release his grief somehow. His eyes found their way to a dart board.

He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and scribbled, then pinned the paper to the dart board. He picked up the darts and started shooting, feeling the rage coursing out of him with every shot.

On the piece of paper was written "Mac Taylor".


	4. because it's that time of year

**4.) ****Mac gets shot…because it's that time of year**

Stella was in the lab preparing an test to try to match the hair of a suspect to the hair found at the crime scene. A woman had been beaten, raped and drowned in her own bathtub. The suspect in question - her boyfriend. It hit Stella close to her heart as she remembered her uncannily similar situation with Frankie, only she hadn't been drowned and he hadn't managed to rape her. Thankfully. This woman wasn't so lucky, however.

She placed the hair in a yellow solution and was just about to carry out the test when her phone rang. Putting the test tube in a rack, she picked up the phone and looked at the ID. It was Flack.

"Bonasera," she answered.

**(A/N: Am I the only one who's always wanted to pick up a phone and answer with "Bonasera" since watching CSI:NY?)**

"Stella, you've got to get to the crime scene right away!" said Flack in an urgent voice.

"What's going on?"

"It's Mac - he's been shot!"

She didn't even stop to ask questions but slammed the phone down and hurried to her car. The stupid hair test could wait - Mac could be _dying. _She drove to the crime scene, breaking the speed limit by at least 30 miles, and when the traffic got too slow, she parked the car next to the sidewalk and ran the rest of the way.

When she got to the crime scene she looked around wildly, desperate to find Mac, of Flack, or someone who could tell her what was happening. However, when she arrived, she couldn't find anyone there. The crime scene was lying there exactly the same as it had been the last time she'd been there.

"Mac where are you…" she muttered worriedly.

"Over here."

She spun around, her hand automatically moving to her gun holster. Then her hand dropped in amazement.

"Mac?"

Mac was standing there looking perfectly healthy - no gunshot wound, no blood.

"Hi, Stella. Happy April Fools day!"

**A/N: Please review!! Ideas and suggestions are welcome.**


	5. with the click of a mouse

**5.) ****Mac gets shot…with the click of a mouse**

**A/N: Another really short one, but hope you like it anyway and please review! (You know you want to)**

There was chaos everywhere - hundreds of armed men running around with lethal weapons and blood shed wherever your head was turned. However this had started, it had escalated, to the point where even the innocents were fighting simply to defend themselves. Poor things - they hadn't meant to get dragged into this.

Mac raised his gun and shot a round, watching as several men fell to the floor. He didn't stop to make sure they were dead, just reloaded his gun and kept shooting, getting a thrill with each man that went down. He turned to his partner Adam, who was also shooting. He hit a woman carrying a basket of fruit, and they laughed when the basked tumbled out of her hands and scattered its contents all over the floor.

Then, in one moment of letting his guard down, he gasped in horror as someone shoved him from behind, and he fell to the ground, looking up to see the face of his attacker. Another one of those armed guys. He tried to get up, but the guy tackled him to the floor again and tied him up with rope. Adam was trying to get the guy off him, but without much success for he ended up getting punched in the face. Then the guy aimed a gun at Mac and fired.

"Damn!" said Mac, as he saw the "Game over" sign appear on his computer screen.


	6. with shots

**6.) Mac gets shot…with shots…**

Mac woke up to find himself lying face down with something squishy underneath him. His head was throbbing like hell and he moved his hand to the back of his head, trying to find the source of the pain. However, the movement caused a wave of nausea to sear through him and he dropped his hand back onto the soft thing deciding that lying still would fare better for the moment.

He couldn't remember what had happened, which attributed to the fact that he had been knocked unconscious by something badly enough to lose his short-term memory. Not only could he not remember what had happened, but he had no idea where the hell he was or what the squishy surface was that he was lying on. A bullet had hit him, he realized - that's why his head hurt so much. He reasoned that he had probably been on a case of some sort, but perhaps the rest of the CSIs could fill him in once he had recovered from whatever this was.

He could hear muffled movement in the distance - perhaps a person walking. His heart sped up. It might be the killer disposing of evidence - maybe coming back to finish _him_ off completely and dump his body. His muscles tensed as he realized this could be the end of him - his last day as a CSI.

The door creaked open and someone stepped inside. He tensed further in fear as the footsteps approached him and he prayed with all his might that maybe this person would simply pass by him - or maybe the person wasn't even the killer but a paramedic coming to save him. He squinted his eyes open but the light was too bright and he snapped them shut again.

But for the brief second they'd been open, he was sure he'd seen caramel, curly hair. The person, whoever they were, was a woman.

"You're finally awake." The voice confirmed that the person was indeed a woman. He forced his eyes open again, confused. This person didn't sound like she was out to kill him.

"Hurts," he mumbled.

"Here, drink this."

He grasped at what the woman was holding, which turned out to be a glass of water and a packed of Resolve.

"I've never seen anyone with a worse hangover," said Stella.


	7. by being distracted

**7.) Mac gets shot…by being distracted**

Tennis was always a good way for releasing stress. Those machines that shot balls meant that Mac was able to come here without a partner and whack away at his own leisure. It's what he often did when he felt like hitting something, or someone - the person usually being a particularly nasty criminal.

He always imagined that the tennis balls were the criminal, and today that criminal was the compass killer. The damn guy just kept slipping through their fingers like water, eluding capture and killing yet more people. Not to mention, those sentimental notes he left were the most annoying things ever. This guy had a weird imagination, that was for sure.

He heard the sound of footsteps and looked up to see, to his surprise, Stella in her gym kit carrying her own tennis racket. Straightening up, he raised an eyebrow as he watched her walk by. He'd never seen her here before but then he supposed he was only here occasionally himself. It must be a coincidence that they had the same hobby.

Stella bent down to do up her shoelace. Mac eyed her figure. He had never seen her in gym kit before but her figure was sexy as hell, that was for sure. The tight clothes showed off her gorgeous figure and nice, firm bum. Her bare arms were slim and toned with not an ounce of flab. Her hair was tied in a ponytail, showing off her structured face with its beautiful, Greek features.

She looked up at him and smiled and waved when she realized it was him. He sent her a smile back, wondering what she was thinking about him. Perhaps she thought he was as sexy as he knew she was.

Then something hit Mac on the side of the head. Stella giggled.

Mac groaned and cringed with embarrassment. For the amount of time he'd been staring at Stella he'd forgotten that the tennis ball machine was still on.

So much for sexy.


	8. for believing Danny

**Mac gets shot…for believing Danny**

**A/N: This one is more romantic than funny, but not sexual. Please review at the end! It would be truly appreciated.**

Mac had just finished the last of his paperwork when his phone rang.

"Taylor," he answered.

"It's Danny. There's been a shooting at a romantic restaurant. Way to ruin Valentine's day."

He rattled off an address and Mac sighed as he put the phone down. He'd already worked a double shift, and now this. Then again he wasn't exactly known for taking time off so he figured he'd go there just to find out what had happened. Sighing, he left the building and got into his car.

On arrival, he saw police tape around the restaurant, which he ducked underneath. When he entered, he was greeted with pink walls and little round tables with white cloths, each with two chairs and on top of which were a red rose and a candle. Ignoring the scenery, he looked around for his vic, but after searching the entire room he couldn't find one. In fact, he couldn't find any evidence whatsoever that this restaurant was a crime scene at all.

He was about to ring Danny and find out what was going on, or better yet why Danny wasn't here himself, when he heard a noise. His hand moved automatically towards his gun which it gripped tightly. A door opened, probably from the kitchen, and Mac raised his gun.

"NYPD! Kneel on the floor and put your hands behind your head!"

The man stood there but didn't flinch or do as Mac said. He was dressed in a white blouse and smart, black trousers so Mac thought he might be a waiter.

"You must be Mac Taylor," the man grinned. Mac slowly lowered his gun. He was confused, but then again you couldn't raise a gun at an apparently innocent man in a seemingly innocent situation. In fact, if Danny hadn't said this place was a crime scene, Mac would have absolutely no reason to suspect anyone of anything. However, his need to do his job properly meant that he had to at least question the man. He would have to reprimand Danny later.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"My name is Nathan Wilson and I will be your waiter for this evening."

"My…what?" Mac frowned. "Wait a sec - I was told there was a shooting here."

"Ah yes, I apologize for that," said the man. "My good friend Danny asked me to pretend it was a crime scene to get you here. You are going to be having dinner tonight with a very special friend. Have a seat at this table."

A baffled Mac found himself being led to a table right in the middle. The candle was lit and plates, cutlery and wine glasses were set out. Hanging above the table was a lamp in the shape of a cupid, which was posing with a bow and arrow. _Forget bullets, this shooting was with Cupid's arrow._

He silently cursed himself for being stupid enough to fall into Danny's trap. Once he was over the initial shock of being set up, he pondered who his dinner guest might be. Probably one of his work mates because they were the only mutual friends he and Danny had.

The front door opened and closed again and Stella came in, her expression turning into a surprised one when she saw Mac sitting at the table. She glanced from Mac to the cupid lamp and shook her head in disbelief.

"Did you also get a phone call about the non-existent shooting?" Mac asked in amusement.

"Apparently we've been set up," she mused.

"Apparently," he agreed.

She sat down. "Well we might as well make the most of it."

The fact that they were wearing their work outfits in such a romantic setting seemed out of place, but it's not as if they'd known they were having dinner. Mac didn't mind, however. Stella looked sexy whatever she wore, especially since today's top was revealing just a tiny bit of cleavage.

"You look great," he said.

"I'm wearing work clothes, how does that look great?"

"You always look great," he admitted.

Stella smiled, going slightly red.

They ordered their food and made small talk over wine while they waited.

"I haven't done anything like this since Claire," said Mac.

"You haven't? But it's not like you haven't dated."

"Peyton doesn't quite cut it for romantic dinners in mushy restaurants," said Mac, and watched as Stella grimaced. The two of them had never quite been compatible. Then he realized what he'd done - by bringing up Peyton, he'd made Stella jealous. He felt his heart flutter.

"No, she doesn't." Stella said this with vehemence.

"Believe me, Stella, I'd much rather have you as a dinner partner."

"You would?"

Stella's features lit up and she smiled, the previous jealousy having been vanished by this compliment.

"I would."

"I'm glad you think so."

Nathan Wilson returned with the food they'd ordered and set it down in front of them. "Enjoy your meal," he said and Mac could swear he had a glint in his eye that suggested he was telling them to enjoy something else as well.

"Well here's to a happy Valentine's day," said Mac, raising his glass.

"Happy Valentine's day to you too," Stella replied, lifting her own glass. "Goodness knows it's been a while since I had one of those. Usually I'm sad and single."

"Are you implying that as of now you are not single?" Mac questioned.

Stella went red. "I - I just meant I -" she stammered.

Mac chuckled. "You know, that sits fine with me if it does with you," he tried. His heart was racing - he had no idea how Stella would respond to the idea of dating him, but Danny had set them up so he must have thought they had a shot. Stella hesitated, causing Mac to feel slightly awkward. Perhaps he'd been a bit too pushy. Perhaps Stella didn't want this.

"I would like that," she eventually replied.

"You're not just saying that?" Mac asked uncertainly.

"No. I would like to date you. If that's okay with you, I mean.""Like I said, it sits fine with me."

"Just fine?"

"More than fine, actually. Wonderful."

"We should do this more often."

"What, eat dinner underneath a cupid lamp in a Valentine's restaurant?"

"Good point. Perhaps seafood next time," Stella suggested.

Mac smiled. They would be jokingly reprimanding Danny for his taste in restaurant, but deep down he was extremely thankful for the set up. Danny had been the catalyst in the process of bringing him and Stella together, something which would have taken much longer without that little push. That bloody cupid was too far, but at the very least he had the woman he'd desired for a long time, and for the first Valentine's day since Claire's death, he felt truly elated.


End file.
